London Calling
by Dandy in the Aspic
Summary: Kaidan arrives in London and meets the girl who knows how to shoot and wears a red ribbon in her hair. Shenko in the Second World War. AU.
1. London Calling

AU: Kaidan and Shepard meet in World War II

_This is obviously a completely AU story with some of the characters of Mass Effect. A romance set on the backdrop of WWII._

_Warnings do apply to this. It's WWII after all. People die._

_It contains mentions of racism, including racial slurs, sexism, war propaganda, and the opinions and social mores of the time through the eyes of an American and English person. __The opinions expressed within are wholly fictional and not shared by the author._

_It may also contain historical mistakes, although I have done my best. Contains 40s slang, you can google the meanings if you get curious but you should be able to work most of it out :P_

_I have no idea where this came from but I hope you enjoy._

_Song used is 'Whispering Grass' by the Ink Spots. Look it up on YT._

* * *

When Great Britain declares war on Nazi Germany on the September the Third 1939, Kaidan Alenko sits in a little bar in Chicago drinking beer and knows he has to help, American isolationism or not.

He's twenty-one when war first breaks out and America stays on the sidelines, hasn't spoken to his dad in two years and likes baseball, good whiskey, dancing and the Ink Spots.

War doesn't exactly take him by surprise. He never would have joined the Army if he didn't have the courage to kill a man in the defense of others, in defense of his home. There's been trouble brewing in Europe for a while. He has always wanted to do some good, even if it means struggling through Officer Training with sneers and mockery of his dusky skin, and eyes just a little too exotic to be a good old American bred boy.

The rest of the marines all know his mother is Japanese and he hears them whisper 'chink' behind his back, finds pictures of monkeys stuck to his locker. It doesn't matter that his mother married his father and moved to America, it doesn't matter that she identifies as Singaporean and its part of the British Empire. What matters is Kaidan is different from most of his squad.

That's ok, he grins and plays along and eventually the jibes lessen. He wins them over by being quiet and unassuming and damn good at his job. He makes a point to participate in the company baseball tournaments when he's on base and is the best batter in the team.

When he kicks Jimmy Vega's ass on the sparring mat despite being outweighed by fifty pounds and somehow makes the most loyal friend he's ever had, they get the message he's not to be messed with.

Kaidan doesn't forget though and war brings out the worst of it anyway.

His pretty, sweet Ma who would never hurt a fly or even raise her voice can barely walk down the street without the stares, or even the racial slurs. There's talk of Japanese-American internment camps and she tells him that his father is considering moving to Canada for his mother's safety.

Nearly all his mother's side of the family is killed in the Fall of Singapore.

When America finally enters the war it's almost a relief to Kaidan. But he soon learns the true meaning of exhaustion and suffering and what it feels like to have your buddies drop dead around you, die in your arms.

Mostly though, he does well for himself. The war toughens him, he gets stronger, his shoulders broader. He follows orders and doesn't rock the boat and racks up commendations. There's talk from the brass of a promotion.

Eventually his squad is given leave as their transport ship docks for maintenance and refueling.

He doesn't like it; he wants to be out there, taking the fight to the bullies rampaging across the Pacific and Europe. There's no fighting in London, the Battle of Britain has been won by the skies years ago.

At least, he thinks, he's never been to London. It'll be a chance to see the sights.

It's raining miserably when he, Cortez and Jimmy arrive in London with the rest of the company. And it turns out the sights aren't very impressive. Buildings are bombed out, there's air raid shelters still scattered around and people are haggard and grey. There's no food in the stores, and his dark eyes and darker than usual skin is treated with suspicion.

There's propaganda posters stuck to brick walls warning against 'The Yellow Menace' and 'Hitler's Huns'.

Kaidan knows this war can't end quickly enough. Some days he hates being mixed race.

Their CO gives them permission to get some R & R and Kaidan watches with amusement as Jimmy practically salivates over the English girls walking by. He doesn't pretend not to look too, but he's really more focused on the battles he is yet to fight. Rain drizzles down the back of his neck and he wishes he could just crawl up in the barracks they've provided and sleep.

Cortez and Jimmy won't allow it though, there's a mixer on tonight, some kind of make nice with the locals. The RAF boys and gals will be there.

The pamphlets that the squad Commander had handed out before they docked told them: _It is always impolite to criticize your hosts; it is militarily stupid to criticize your allies._

Kaidan bites his tongue at the tasteless food they serve in the mess and the dreary weather and dreams of the yellow wheat fields and blue skies of his small home town.

So instead of sleeping he's nagged until he agrees to go. Only an hour, then he'll slip away and catch some Zs.

They crowd into the little barracks that the brass are putting them up in for their stay and turn the radio up to blaring, something by Bing Crosby echoes over the soldier's loud raucous. It seems like they are all energized, a bunch of excitable schoolboys. Only Kaidan and Steve Cortez seem to hold an ounce of their composure.

He gets it. He does. They're all tired and want this war to be over. Little moments of happiness in a sympathetic girl's arms are all they have to get through nights lying in fetid water in the trenches, not having slept for two days. Kaidan is not that kinda joe though. He tried once, with some poor desperate girl in Sicily, but his skin shivered when she touched him and he ended up just giving her a pack of cigarettes and leaving. Jimmy had laughed so Kaidan had ended up lying to the rest of the squad. This war made men into beasts.

He wants to meet a nice American girl from back home, marry her and settle down with a couple of kids. He's not looking for _just_ a good time.

He had been courting Rahna, her family owned the little grocery store in his home town, trying to get her Daddy's permission to marry her. But ever since he joined up, she's gone cold…like she's afraid of what he is capable of now. She hasn't returned any of the letters he's sent back home.

Jimmy shakes him out of his depressed musing by flourishing his styling products, tubes of brylcreem and his precious comb and gets a start on his mop of hair.

He pauses in front of the tiny mirror then glances back a Kaidan, sniffing disdainfully at his mop of black curls. Jimmy is always teasing his about his hair, but he can't help it. It just grows like that.

Kaidan holds his hand up to forestall Jimmy's teasing and he laughs.

"Bluenose, you look like a choir boy." Jimmy says, "You won't find a nice gal like that. These English dames like them refined. You know, elegant. You cannot pluck a rose while looking like trash."

"Yeah, yeah, Jimmy," he grumbles and grabs his own comb and brylcreem, "At least I don't have your ugly mug."

"You kiddin'? Ladies go crazy for these muscles." Jimmy flexes, "I'm gonna get some tail tonight."

"You're a cad."

"Aw lighten up Kaidan, he's just foolin'." Cortez cuts in to their little argument. He already has his dress uniform on, medals gleaming. Kaidan thinks that he could have the pick of the prettiest dames but he's a strange guy. He never seems to want to dance with them, preferring to drink at the bar and play poker with the other officers.

Jimmy raises his eyebrows in vindication and crows, "See if Esteban thinks it, it must be true."

"Thanks, Mr. Vega." Cortez deadpans.

Jimmy continues, "I'm just saying that these girls haven't seen proper stockings and lipstick in years and they're mighty grateful for our help." He strokes the comb through his hair and makes his bangs stand up in a way that Kaidan is sure he thinks is charming.

Kaidan thinks he just looks like a big preening rooster.

"I'm just not a cool cat like you, Jimmy," he says as Jimmy makes kissing faces in the mirror, "You'll just keep stealing all the ladies from me."

He turns to Kaidan with a dire warning expression, shaking his comb at him, "Someday this war will be over and bam, you'll find out all the good ones are gone."

* * *

The dance hall is packed. There are the British flyboys in their sharp uniforms, the doe-eyed Navy nurses in theirs and some civilian girls in nicely pressed dresses.

Kaidan wanders the hall a little forlornly, watching Jimmy dance with a pretty woman with dark hair and eyes. He's so preoccupied with laughing at Jimmy swinging the girl around like a ragdoll and listening to her shrieks of laughter that he bumps into something warm and solid and watches in horror as his awful English beers spills onto black shoes.

The owner of the neat little heels spins to face him and he takes in, with a swoop in his stomach, bright blue eyes, darkly curled hair pinned back in waves and red painted lips that twist in annoyance.

"Watch your big feet, you daft yank!"

Kaidan takes a step back as the feminine voice tinged with an accent he can't quite place admonishes him. She's almost a head shorter than him but somehow he suddenly feels two feet tall in her presence.

He thinks irrationally and suddenly that she's the prettiest woman he even seen.

He looks down to her wet, beer-soaked shoes and up again to her face and stammers, "I-I'm terribly sorry ma'am."

Kaidan can feel his cheeks flushing as her eyebrows draw together and several people turn towards the commotion.

"Don't 'ma'am' me!" She says, and gestures to herself. "Do I look like your bloody nanny?"

"Um, you sure don't. Here, let me help you." He starts to bend down, half wildly thinking to wipe the beer off her shoes and says, "I-I didn't mean to-"

She rolls her eyes and grabs his arm to stop his movement, "Oh, for heaven's sake. It's fine."

Kaidan watches the tiny lift of her mouth and suddenly thinks she might have been exaggerating her annoyance just to discomfit him.

In one of the most embarrassing moments of his life he stares at her, stock-still for a moment and smiles goofily.

Her eyes sparkle in amusement, and he thinks maybe she's considering that he's touched in the head.

He shakes himself out of the stupor he's fallen into, "Can I perhaps buy you another drink, Mrs…?"

"It's nurse actually. I'm no Mrs." She corrects and adds with a note of pride, "Shepard, with the Navy Nurse Corps. And you're Mr. Clumsy Soldier-Boy, of course."

Kaidan gapes a little at her words, not sure whether to be offended or laugh, instead he says, "Um, I guess so. I'm First Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

Shepard frowns seriously, but he can still see that little smile hovering around her mouth. He wishes his heart would stop doing that funny dance. "What kind of a cockamamie name is that?" She asks with a pout of her small lips, "Don't they 'ave Bobs and Harrys over in America?"

He's gob-smacked. He's never spoken to a woman so rude. What a harpy. He should be offended, make his excuses and walk away but for some insane reason he wants to stand up to her.

Kaidan's a quiet, easy-going guy, but that doesn't mean he'll let some uppity English nurse walk all over him.

"What kind of a name is Nurse Shepard?" he retorts and sets his beer down on a nearby table.

Her eyes gleam in challenge and he has a feeling not many men bother verbally sparring with her.

"Hmfp." She grumbles and sets her own drink down, cocking a hip against the table. "Well you just ruined any chance of finding out my first name, didn't you?" she says teasingly.

Kaidan grins, "Guess so."

There's a beat of silence while she meets his eyes daringly.

"You're pretty brave for a slack-jawed G.I." The nurse's eyes appraise him, glancing over his medals and crisp uniform. His chest puffs out a little, preening like the rooster he'd compared Jimmy unfavorably to earlier, and she actually laughs.

He thinks it's loud and ugly, and it makes her full cheeks dimple. His stomach now feels like that time their transport ship thought they sighted a U-boat.

He's never believed in love at first sight.

But, he thinks, maybe he was wrong.

Kaidan holds out his hand to her and says, "Maybe we can start over ma'am…err, I mean, Shepard. My name's Kaidan and I would love to ask if you would like to have a dance with me."

"Well, go ahead." She takes his hand, hers is small and cool and he doesn't want to let go. "I won't stand in the way of your love."

"What?" He balks, confused with the way she's trying to run rings around him with her words. Why can't she just speak plainly?

"You said you'd love to ask, so ask." She says slowly as if he is a small child, "Also, could I kindly 'ave my hand back?"

He realizes he's still grasping her hand in his. He's such a dweeb! He hastily snatches it back. It's hot and sweaty and he tries to covertly wipe it on his uniform pants.

He clears his throat and says, "Would you do me the honor of giving me this next dance?"

Shepard grins and shows crooked teeth, "I'm a bit of a dead hoofer but I'll give you a frolic, Soldier-Boy."

So he reclaims her hand and together they put Jimmy and his pretty girl to shame. Shepard _is_ kind of an awful dancer, but she makes up for it in enthusiasm, twirling and jiving with him.

They dance all night and Kaidan forgets about the war. Hitler himself could march into the room for a night out with Eva Braun and he doubts he would notice. He lives for the slow songs, when he has an excuse to tug her close and place a hand on her waist. She seems to be having a good time, and Kaidan's world just narrows to her face. He's uncharacteristically chatty, making stupid jokes to get her to laugh again as they jig around the dance floor.

He thinks Jimmy is laughing at him; he tries to catch him to talk as they take the odd break for some giggle-water but Kaidan waves him off. He doesn't want to speak to him, let him have his good time gal and Kaidan will have his.

Eventually they need a break, despite the cold night the dance hall is sweltering with the heat of so many bodies. They crowd into the bar area and he pulls some cigarettes from his pocket.

Her eyes light up and he suddenly feels guilty. He remembers being told the rationing has been hard in London. Cortez had told him that some men had enticed women into their beds just with the promise of a loaf of bread and a cigarette.

London has been hit hard and their people are desperate.

"Would you like one?" he asks and her eyes shutter in wariness. He mentally kicks himself.

"Oh no. I've quit. Can't find them anywhere these days…well without being rich." She answers but her eyes don't leave the white stick.

"Here," he sticks the cigarette behind his ear and digs in his pocket for the packet which he thrusts at her. "Take them all. I'm not the biggest fan anyway," he lies through his teeth.

He smokes a pack a day; it's one of the only things that got him through the trenches. "They'll probably just go to waste."

"I couldn't."

"Please, it's ok. Jimmy's lousy with them. I think he gets 'em sent by his folks."

He can see her pride and her want warring and eventually she reaches out to take them. "Well…alright. As long as I'm not putting you out."

"Of course not," he says and leans over to light her up. Her face glows with the ember for a moment and he can't look away.

Shepard narrows her eyes, "You're a sweetie, but don't go get any ideas."

Kaidan has _a lot_ of ideas but mostly he just wants to make her smile again.

His face heats up again and he tugs at his collar, wishing he didn't have his constrictive uniform on.

They settle down on some stools, Kaidan side-eying one of the Tommys who looks too long at the curve of her backside. After a silently furious battle of wills, in which Kaidan communicates that Shepard is his gal to make nice to, the Tommy slinks off and he can't help smirking.

"Oh, wipe that silly smile of your face;" she bursts out as she follows his eyes, "You're not so hard, I just have a reputation for being difficult."

"You? Reputation?" he gasps and she giggles. "Never. I'm shocked. You're a doll."

She takes another puff of her cigarette and looks pleased and he think he passed some kind of test.

He sits closer to her, rests his elbow on the bar and sets his hand in his palm to gaze at her face. Shepard smiles again at his attentiveness like she's not sure whether he is mocking her or not and he asks, "So how did _the Shepard_ get her name?"

"Shepard is kind of a nickname." She says and pats her hair fussily, taming some wild strands. She takes another puff and blows smoke in his face with an impish expression, "My father was a sheep farmer in Scotland, and everyone kind of just called him Shepard since it suited him so well. So when I was a lass, it kind of just stuck with me too."

Kaidan smiles, "He must like his daughter being called that. Chip off the old block."

"He's passed away, actually." Her eyes dull and he feels stupid again for having such a big mouth. "Died last year. Me mam's dead too. I inherited the farm, but I'm not meant to be a sheep farmer so I sold it and joined the King's Navy the only way I could. I want to fight for my country."

He looks at her determined expression in surprise. "Fight...?"

What an odd thing for a pretty gal like her to say. He thinks it's sad this war is driving the poor women out of the house, giving them that bloodthirsty attitude. His old Pa would be horrified.

For some reason, Kaidan just finds it…alluring.

"That so surprising?" She raises an eyebrow defensively and he senses she's gets a hard time about it. "Women want to protect the things they love too."

"But you're so spiffy, and a-"

"A nurse?" She cuts over him, gesturing to her uniform, "Yes, only way I can get close to the action." She flicks a hand, sending ash into the tray. "I fight my wars with wounds and I send my boys back out there to kick the Jerries' behind. There's a lot of ways you can fight, you know."

Kaidan thinks that she could even make a better soldier than him, she would probably bark orders and treat them meaner than his own CO. His heart won't stop jumping at the thought of her ordering him around.

But his morale would be improved at the least, he thinks with a grin. He'd take her orders any day.

"Still….I would love a gun." She finishes wistfully, eyeing the bulge of his sidearm that they are required to carry when on-duty. Technically they don't have to be armed when on R & R…but Kaidan feels safer with it.

Kaidan barks a laugh, she's crazy. "You're a strange dame. Like a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing."

And she does look sweet and unassuming, a round moon of a face and large blue eyes. Kaidan would have pegged her as the kind of woman with a doting husband and three children at home waiting on her. Not some King George's Navy nurse that longs for a gun like a new pair of shoes and wants to see action. Hell, _Kaidan_ doesn't even really like guns.

Shepard leans closer to him, rests her own elbow on the bar to tilt her head in her hand at him and crosses her leg on the stool so it brushes his. They smile a little stupidly at each other and she breathes in a low whisper, "I'm no sheep and roses have thorns."

Something by the Ink Spots starts to play, Kaidan knows it and he hums a bit along with the tune.

_You promised me green grass, not to tell what you 'eard _

_Whispering grass, say you can't keep your word _

_Keep your word, sing Lofty_

"No," he agrees and snatches the now stubby cigarette out of her mouth. She lets him, that infuriating smirk coming back to her lips. There's a red ring from her lipstick around it and he wonders if she would leave the same marks on his face if she kissed him. He also wonders how old she is as he takes in her face, still a bit rounded with baby fat. Younger than him, he thinks, despite her bravado.

He grabs the cigarette from behind his ear and lights it, putting it to his mouth and murmurs around it, "You're more like a lamb. In fact, I think that's your new name."

Kaidan holds his breath and listens to the song, praying that he's not misread the interest in her eyes.

He wants to court her.

_Why tell them all your secrets _

_Who kissed there long ago _

_Whispering grass, the trees don't need to know_

"Lamb?" she raises a dainty dark eyebrow and he knows he's on dangerous ground.

"It's either that or dollface." He shrugs with affected calm.

Shepard watches him for a beat, and he sees the lights from the dance floor reflect in her eyes. She reaches over and for a moment he thinks she going to hit him but she plucks the cigarette from his lips to put it to her own.

Kaidan swallows. She's so bold, not like the good demure girls his Ma told him he should court, but still so soft and sweet at the same time.

"Ooh." She coos, in a voice that is clearly mean to be seductive but Kaidan hears a shake behind it and knows that he was right; she is _definitely_ young and not used to flirtation. "You're incorrigible."

He backs off a little, realizing that he's probably coming on too strong, "You British and your fancy words."

She just watches him and now her eyes are wide and if he leans forward just a little bit more he would be very close to her ruby lips-

"Alenko! Buddy!" Jimmy barks from across the room, standing with Cortez and with a jolt Kaidan realizes the hall is starting to empty. He's spent all night with her. "We're heading back to the barracks, you comin'?"

"What?" he pulls back from her, frowning at Jimmy. Shepard makes a frustrated little noise in the back of her throat and pats her hair again, adjusting a pin.

"I said, you comin'?" Jimmy answers and then suddenly stops, noticing the lack of space between the pretty nurse and his friend. A slow knowing smile stretches across his lips.

Kaidan waves him away distractedly, "No, no. I'll catch up to you later."

The beefy soldier snickers and Kaidan knows he will pay for this later, "The Commander won't be happy."

"You should go with your buddies." Shepard says quietly, she stands and straightens her uniform's skirt. He can't help watching it swish around her stocking-encased legs.

He throws caution to the wind and says lowering his voice, mindful of Jimmy's straining ears, "But…I want to get to know you."

Shepard beams and puts a hand to her cheek blushing prettily. "Hmm, I'll tell you what," she says and starts backing away, a few girls that she's obviously friends with giggle as she joins them in the rush for the door. Kaidan notices that the pretty girl Jimmy was dancing with before is there too.

Shepard calls to him, almost swallowed by the empting crowd, "I'm going for lunch by the Thames tomorrow. There's a little fish and chip shop by the old bridge by Fenchurch street. Meet me there at noon."

"It's a date!" He struggles to get closer to her and Jimmy laughs and grabs him by the shoulders to prevent a gaggle of Tommys sweeping him away with them.

He can just hear her call back before she is consumed by the crowd, "Don't go flattering yourself now, Soldier-Boy. It's just me being kind. You'll hate me when you get to know me and realize you picked the wrong rose."

"I don't think so," he whispers to himself. Jimmy stands next to him and Kaidan can tell he's dying to interrogate him.

Kaidan goes to sleep that night and for once the nightmare of blood and grenades and sunken eyes do not come to him.

He thinks in the morning, that he might have dreamt of red lips.


	2. Red Ribbon

He gets up early…_two_ hours early. Jimmy looks up sleepily from the next bunk over and mumbles, "Oh Bluenose. You got it bad."

"Can it," he mutters embarrassed and stalks off to the showers. He shaves carefully and styles his hair to tamed perfection, trying out a little pomp on his bangs. He hopes it makes him look older, like that movie star James Stewart.

He hopes Shepard likes it.

He fusses over his uniform for an hour, carefully ironing out the crinkles, tries to eat breakfast and fails and leaves for the fish and chip shop far too early. He doesn't want to get lost in the streets of London so he buys a map off the little boy at a stand clearly designed to cater to the American G.I's with baubles and gaudy souvenirs for wives and family back home. He gives the kid three whole sticks of gum in his happy excitement, jubilant at finding a decent map. The little urchin's grateful grin and "Gee whiz, thanks mister," has him whistling a jaunty tune as he strolls along, last night's song stuck in his head.

He thinks he has fallen in love with London, dirty and pock-marked though it may be.

The shop is tiny and he realizes that fish and chips is really fish and fries. The smell drifts onto the street as he waits outside, leaning on the wall.

Eventually he sees her, she's still in her nurses uniform but she's put a pretty ribbon in her hair. It flutters red in the breeze and he's struck dumb.

She's a splash of color in a grey world, a flower blooming in the London rubble.

She's smiling shyly as she spots him and walks over to him, her heels clinking on the pavement.

"Hello, Lamb," he says and holds his hand out for her to shake.

She takes it, "Hullo there, Soldier-Boy. You've cleaned up nice today," her eyes drift to his hair and Kaidan mentally gives himself a pat on the back. She likes it!

He had forgotten for a moment her strong accent, the way she can make simple words sound charming to him. His cheeks heat up a bit again and he can't help saying, "You clean up beautiful."

His reward is her looking away, the ribbon flapping wildly in a strong gust of wind matching her red cheeks that, he's sure, is not just from the cold.

They sit on a lonely patch of grass and she introduces him to more English cuisine.

He's never had worse fries but he pretends to love every bite.

* * *

They spend every day together, whenever she can get away from the hospital and when he's not in training exercises.

The both know he can ship out any day, out to the Pacific or the rest of Europe. There's something big brewing, there's a strange tension in the ranks.

There's going to be a push, they all know it, but everyone says nothing and at the same time _everything _about it.

After all the flyers say, 'Loose Lips, Sink Ships.'

They go out dancing every Friday night and most days in the week too. She's an excellent dance partner, despite her protests, once she learns the steps by rote and it seems as if time flies so quickly.

He dreads shipping out, he lies awake in bed every night and replays every word she said to him in the day. They meet for lunch almost every day and stroll through Trafalgar Square or along the river. She allows him to take her arm and he thinks they look _right_ together.

He thinks England might not be a bad country to live in, once they get this war sorted. In the meantime, he doesn't know what he'll do when she's oceans away. His heart goes pitter-patter all the time now, like a hummingbird stuck in his chest and Jimmy says he keeps walking around with a silly grin on his face.

There are a lot of soldiers in London. He's scared she'll forget him when he's gone and he doesn't just want to be her war fling. He wants to be her war husband.

* * *

One Friday night they walk along the grimy streets having just spilled out from the dance hall. It's late, she should be getting back to the nurse's quarters and he should be back at the barracks but they are content to stroll quietly along.

He's telling her a story about the boys the other day in training. Kaidan is sure he sounds boring, reciting the facts in that plain way of his but Shepard seems to enjoy it, a smile hovering on the edges of her lips as she listens.

"So Jimmy says," he says and she's already laughing before he's at the punch line. Kaidan wraps his arm around her shoulders and gives her a playful squeeze and tries to continue, "No, no, stop laughing. I'm trying to tell a _serious_ story here."

"Mmm hmm." She hums, red lips curled upwards and he gives up on his story. He can't quite remember it anyway when she looks like that.

Shepard laughs and says, "You know that girl Jimmy was dancing with the night we met?"

"Yeah."

"Know why she won't see him again?"

"You _know_?" Kaidan raises his eyebrows, he's dying to know. Jimmy had been so deflated when the girl brushed him off. "Tell me! He won't leave me alone about _you._ This will be some nice revenge."

Shepard smiles in that knowing way, like she holds all the secrets in the world if only he would have the courage to ask, "She's my best friend actually. Her name's Ash, I don't know if he told you but…he touched her bum."

"What? Her ass?" Kaidan laughs. Oh boy, trust Jimmy to mess things up.

"That's right. I told her she should have given him a good knee but she thinks he's sweet. Too touchy though, so she's making him sweat."

"And he acts _so_ smooth." Kaidan says thinking of all the times he's teased him. "This is great."

Shepard looks up at him shyly through her eyelashes, "Jimmy won't leave you alone about _me_? He teases you?"

Whoops. He hadn't meant to let that slip.

"Um, yeah," he stammers. "He knows…."

"He knows….what?" Shepard pokes him in the side, teasing the answer out of him.

"That, I'm, uh. That I'm sweet on you," he confesses and prays that the ground will swallow him up. He hopes to god that he hasn't just made a fool of himself.

"Well then. It's a good thing that we're courting then."

Shepard smiles again and Kaidan stops in the street.

"So you're saying you'll go steady with me, Lamb? Really?"

His heart is doing that funny thing it does around Shepard. The night suddenly seems bright and full of color, a gibbous moon shining on her hair and turning it silver.

He doesn't know what the future holds but he knows that it's with her that he wants it to be with.

"Really." She nods; biting her lips shyly, "I told you, you're a sweetie."

Kaidan gives a low rasp of laughter and picks her up, right there in the street to spin her around. She squeals in laughter and holds on tight as he says, "I know I might have to ship out soon but I'm going to wait-"

In their distraction with their conversation they've walked passed a club of some kind. He thinks it might be the ones for the British enlisted men. He and most of his friends are officers and stick to the same dance halls. There are two men stumbling out of the door, attracted by the noise Shepard and he are making. They're obviously drunk; he can smell the liquor fumes off them from a distance and the stench of body odor.

His sense for trouble starts ringing in alarm and he puts his arm around Shepard's waist to get her walking away again.

"Hey, you!" The drunken man slurs, calling to him.

Kaidan ignores it, but Shepard glances back, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Whatcha doin' with one of our dames?" The drunk soldier yells, "We don't want no little yellow Yankee bastards eating our food when the war's over." There's a smash of glass on the street by Kaidan's foot, the drunken man has thrown a bottle at him. Shepard makes a tiny smothered shriek as the glass cuts her stockings and he has to resist turning and punching the man in the face. It's dangerous out here and he just wants to get her safe back to her quarters.

The man won't give up, "Should get your dirty paws off her."

Shepard hisses, "Kaidan, that's not right. We should get his name, report him to the authorities-"

"No, Shepard, come on." He tugs her hand, trying to get her to just leave it, "Just ignore him."

The man and his friend are closer now and he sneers at Kaidan, "You dirty little yellow Jap-"

Shepard goes nuts, and shrugs out of Kaidan's grip. Before he can do anything she's marched over to the man, stood on her tip-toes and gotten into his face screaming, "What did you say?! _Say that again to my face."_

He lurches over to her, grabbing her arm, suddenly afraid the man will strike her, "Come on, Lamb…it doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter!" She rounds on him, her face twisted in rage, "This is what this war is about."

Again, she pulls her hand out of Kaidan's grip and hisses in the drunken man's face, "He's American, you fink! And even if he wasn't what gives you the right to say those things?"

Behind his drunken friend the other man backs off a little, seemingly a bit unnerved Shepard is standing up to their bullying. "Cool your heels, lady. They're all here to steal our women. You should be with someone like us, a proper gentleman." He makes a lewd thrust of his hips. Kaidan makes a fist so hard with his palm that his nails make little bloody crescent marks.

"Someone like you?" She scoffs, "Ha! You make me sick."

"You've got no pride." The drunken man says, his breath right in her face. Kaidan tugs her hand again but she slaps him away.

"What did he do? Flash some lipstick at you and suddenly your knickers are-"

SMACK.

In seconds, quicker than Kaidan could react she's balled her fist and struck him right in the nose. He gapes in shock. She doesn't hit like a girl. The man is laid out flat on his back on the damp pavement, his nose absolutely shattered, blood gushing down his chin and mouth.

Shepard pants, cradling her fist and the drunken man's friend is running in the other direction.

Kaidan thinks he's going into the club for backup.

"Lamb!" He exclaims as she goes to kick the man on the ground in the balls and grabs her wrist, "No! Oh lord, what are you doing?"

"Teaching them a lesson." She pants, her chest heaving, "How dare they speak about _you_ like that? How dare they speak to _me_ like I'm some whore?"

She's shaking in rage and Kaidan suddenly realizes she has more balls than Jimmy and a worse temper than his father.

"Come on." Kaidan determinedly pulls her away from the man sobbing and clutching his nose on the ground and she reluctantly follows, breathing hard. There's a commotion from the pub and he urges her to run.

She's _crazy. _She actually laughs as they barrel through the London streets, putting distance between them and a bunch of angry, and drunken British soldiers. Once the shock wears off, Kaidan is laughing too, holding her hand while she keeps pace with him, even running in high heels.

He can't believe what she just did for him. He's never seen anyone throw a punch like that.

They stop, eventually hiding in an alleyway, she leans against a wall and he follows standing in front of her.

"Well. That was fun," she chirps happily examining her hand.

Gently he picks it up, her hand looks like she's bruised it badly and she winces when he traces his fingers over it.

"Fun?" he asks. "Oh golly moses, you really are crazy."

Shepard grins, "Crazy like a fox."

"You didn't have to do that for me. I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be." Shepard leans closer to him, the moon in her eyes. London is calling him.

"And no one messes with someone I care about," she murmurs and closes the distance between their mouths.

Kaidan kisses his lamb and thinks that he's the luckiest guy in the world.


	3. The Girl With The Straw In Her Hair

"So you just squeeze like this-"

They stand in an emerald green field, the wind and the _baa-ing_ of sheep and in the next field over the only sound. Shepard has been eyeing off his side arm again, and Kaidan would do anything to please her.

So, he decides, she deserves to have fun, anything to make her happy. As soon as he had a chance he takes a day and together they catch the train out of London into the countryside. Shepard knows a little village by the sea, and they spend the day getting ice cream at a little dairy shop, then wandering the blustery hills out of town into the verdant countryside.

They come across a field with a barn and a tree stump and Kaidan decides this spot is perfect for target practice.

He and Shepard stand pressed together, she's gripping his pistol and aiming at a tin can he's set up on the tree stump.

"Like this?" she asks and corrects her grip on the pistol.

"Yeah, exactly." He nods, "Ok, now just focus and-"

BAM!

The bullet makes a perfect shot right through the can and it goes flying.

Kaidan chokes a little in shock, "Wow. You um, got it."

She blows on the end of the smoking pistol. "Take that, you silly tin can! Pretty good, right?" she says and turns to him, grinning like a cat that's got the cream.

"Yeah wow, how'd you do that?"

She shrugs as if to say, 'It's natural talent.'

Kaidan tries to wipe his expression back to neutral but, _damn_, the tin was a good distance away. He had never thought she'd even get close to hitting it. He says, "I don't think even Gavin could make that shot and he's our best infantryman."

She smiles with what he can tell is an attempt at humility and says, "Used to shoot some foxes on the farm with me Da. _Told you_ they should give me a gun."

"Yeah, they really should," he nods fervently.

There's a sudden flash of lightning, then seconds later a thunderous boom. The skies have been dark and choppy all day but he thought it was typical English weather, not actual rain.

Kaidan is a terrible weather boy. The heavens open and in seconds they're both soaked. He groans, his hair is going to look so stupid in front of her. He had smoothed and parted it to perfection this morning and now the curls are going to be _ridiculous._

Shepard gasps and he tries not to notice how her wet blouse clings to her skin, he can see her bra through it. He fails miserably. His mother raised a horrible, lecherous boy.

She grabs his hand and tugs him in the direction of the barn, "Come on! In here, silly."

He hastily stows his gun away when she hands it to him and they sprint for the barn, holding each other's hands.

Inside it smells like sheep, but it's dry and far warmer than outside. Kaidan shivers in his wet uniform and he can see Shepard doing the same in her relatively thin skirt and blouse.

"Come here," he says and takes off his jacket to drape around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she chatters through blue teeth and he hugs her trying to warm them both.

She wraps her arms around his back and presses against him, sighing. A rainstorm rages outside and there's a storm in Kaidan's heart too. He loves her. There's a horrible war on and he's found love and happiness, a tiny private peace. He wants to protect this fragile precious thing between them; he never wants to leave her behind.

Kaidan cannot stop the words that spill out of his mouth, cannot stop the fullness of his heart, that balm that he knows will make him fight to his dying breath and confesses, "I'm in love with you, Lamb. No foolin'."

Shepard makes a happy little noise and raises her head from his shoulder to look into his face. He thinks there might be tears in her eyes and raindrops are clinging to her lashes as she says, "Then you'd better kiss me before I change my mind, because I think that…I love you, too."

Kaidan bends his head to hers and meets her eager lips.

He knows his own is stained red with her lipstick. He doesn't care. He kisses her like this is their last day on Earth, like _this_ moment, them will never happen again.

Everything will come around again. War, suffering, the killing and the disease. But them, being together, is what is important right now. Here, in this barn, with the lulling sound of sheep outside.

His hands wander uncertainly down her back and hers drift to his shoulders as she whispers, "You can touch me, i-if you want."

He pulls back to look her in the eyes and knows what she is _really _saying, "Are you sure?"

She looks at him shyly but without shame, bold and firm. "It's ok, if it's _you_."

"Shepard…"

His hands gently peel away his jacket. It hits the floor with a soft _oomf._

The now transparent cloth of her blouse, and her breasts encased in lacy white cotton are revealed to him. She gasps as he touches them with gently shaking hands and removes it from her, inches of creamy skin bared to his hungry eyes. She is naked before him, in the middle of that barn and Kaidan thinks he has discovered god.

Soon his clothes follow, thrown onto the ground with hers in a wet pile. He hands are a little uncertain when she touches him and he thinks she's never done this before. He _is_ the luckiest man alive. The love he feels for her is almost awful in its enormity, her every touch sets him on fire, destroys and creates again and again.

Warmth quickly returns to their bodies, soft skin and thumping hearts chasing away the chill.

Kaidan makes love to her for the first time in a barn on a bed of straw.

He's never felt perfect, never felt good enough. But when he holds her in his embrace, when he is inside her, when she comes with his name on his lips, he knows he's reached his apotheosis.

She's his reason. His whole world. His antithesis to war.

* * *

Two months later, his company gets their orders. They're moving out, the holding pattern of armament and training is over. Something big is on the Horizon. They spend their lasts days dancing, or sneaking snatches of time together like that night in the barn. It's hard to get those moments; they can't go to her quarters or his barracks so they make do with what they can snatch on trips to lonely places in the countryside, abandoned rooms at dance hall functions and one time, an air raid shelter.

Once she sneaks him into her quarters but after Matron Benita almost catches them, they don't do that again.

Jimmy badgers Kaidan over and over and eventually he confesses what they are doing. He thinks, perhaps, this is the only time he's shocked his best friend but Jimmy pats him on the back good-naturedly, happy for him, and calls him a heel and hypocrite.

He's also the only one to truly understand what Kaidan goes through when he gets the orders. Jimmy knows that the last thing he wants to do is leave her behind. He never did have much luck with Shepard's friend Ash, but Kaidan knows he likes her all the same.

Shepard says goodbye to him as his company piles into the trucks. The ones which will carry him to his waiting transport ship.

And the ship that will take him to war.

D-Day is approaching.

Tears are slipping down her face and it's the first time he's seen her cry.

"I'm going to miss you," she sobs. Tear springs to his own eyes and he desperately blinks them back. His gear is heavy on his back, his rifle like the heaviest and hottest lead burning his back.

There's a scarf in her hair, a pretty red one. She always wears red, he thinks.

"I won't be able to sleep." She clutches him and he holds her so tightly it's almost to the point of pain. "I won't be able to eat," she says.

"Yes, you will," he says a little too fiercely and kisses her forehead. "You're the toughest person I've ever met. I'm gonna fight like hell for the chance to hold you again, Lamb."

"I can't lose you."

The trucks motors are started and soldiers are jumping in the back. Cortez is calling him, saying he needs to get in. Kaidan clings tighter to her then fishes into his pocket for something he bought for her.

"Kaidan…I've got to tell you something." She starts to say hesitantly but he's distracted by Cortez yelling again and he turns and waves to him impatiently.

He turns back to her quickly, cupping her face and kissing her quickly on the lips. "I love you."

"No, I mean." She makes a frustrated, fearful face. "I love you, too. But there's something else."

"What?"

Cortez and now Jimmy is yelling. If he doesn't get on soon the Commander will reprimand him and he'll have his rations cut.

"I think….I-I think I'm in trouble."

"Trouble?" He doesn't follow, what could she be in trouble with? She's great at her job, the best nurse he's ever seen. "What do you mean?"

"Never mind." She shakes her head and bites her lip, nervous. "It's not important right now. I'll write you a letter. Just know…no matter what happens, you're coming back to me."

He takes her hand and kisses it and chokes out, "_I promise_. There's something I want to ask…"

Jimmy hops off the truck and stalks over to him, "Hey, Lola," he nods to Shepard. Kaidan's not quite sure why he started calling her that, but Jimmy seems to think of her like a little sister so it's ok with him.

He always did love his nicknames.

He grabs Kaidan's shoulder, shaking it and tries to pull him away from her, "Bluenose! We gotta go. The Commander is gonna throw a fit! Say goodbye and move it."

Kaidan nods and starts to pick up his duffle bag, fiddling with the thing in his pocket. Jimmy gets back on the truck.

"I've got to be quick but Shepard; you're the gal for me." He curses how lame he sounds, like some fumbling school boy but he needs to ask this, "I was wondering if you would do be the honor of becoming-"

"Yes!" She blurts, her eyes shining.

Despite the situation, despite his heart breaking in two, he laughs. "I didn't finish the question."

"Oops." She blushes and puts her hands to her lips, then waves him on, "I'm sorry. I'm ruining this. Go again."

Kaidan gets down on one knee and looks into the eyes of the girl he'll love until the day he dies.

"Marry me, Lamb. Be my wife."

"Yes!" She gets down on her own knees and hugs and kisses him so hard he thinks his lips will bruise. He kisses her back just as hard and the soldiers in the truck catcall and whistle.

He doesn't care. Let them stare; _he just got engaged to the gal of his dreams._

"Oh boy. I planned this really badly," he rambles, smiling and half in tears. "I couldn't find a ring…well not one I could afford anyway." He thrusts his hand into his pocket and pulls out what he bought her. "But here, I found this pretty ribbon. I-I mean, it's stupid but I thought until I could afford something you deserve…"

The ribbon is silky soft and gleams in the weak sunlight. It's not just red, but _crimson._ So simple but he looked at it in the American G.I souvenir stand, the same one he had first bought a map to a fish and chip shop, and thought of her.

He doesn't have much money. The jewelers are out of business in bombed-out London. But he can give her something small.

She pulls her scarf off, tucks it into his pocket and lets him tie it into her hair.

She's crying again, beaming through her tears. "It's beautiful, Kaidan. I love it."

"I know you like red…"

She laughs sadly, the skin around her eyes crinkling, "So this is our engagement ribbon, right?"

"Yeah, let's say it is." He feels so unworthy, she deserves her husband to buy her all the jewels in the world. "I'm sorry, Lamb. I'll get you something proper."

His CO is yelling at him and he picks up his duffle from where he dropped it to tie the ribbon in his future wife's hair.

Tears course down her pale, freckled cheeks in a river. "I don't want proper, I want you."

Kaidan walks away and doesn't look away from her heartbroken blue eyes until the door of the truck is slammed in his face and Jimmy gives him a rough, single pat on the shoulder.

Only his lamb knows the ribbon isn't the only thing he's left behind.


	4. Letters From A Cold Climate

_Why tell them all the old things_

_They're buried under the snow _

_Whispering grass, don't tell the trees _

_'cause the trees don't need to know_

Kaidan reads her first letter from the rocking bow of a ship off Portsmouth. He wants to vomit. He's exhausted, he knows what's coming. They've been drilling all day. He's seen the floating docks; he's seen the massive flotilla of warships.

The Allies are going to stand together, fool and take the fight to the enemy. They're going to shock them. They're going to fight on the beaches. It's the beginning of the end.

* * *

_Dearest Soldier-Boy,_

_I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I miss dancing; I miss being held by you. I miss your smile and your eyes and your kisses._

_I hate this war. They found an unexploded bomb in the garden of the house down the street and for a moment I was terrified it was going to explode. It turned out to be a dud, but I spent all morning throwing up over it. I hate Jerry, I feel sick every time I listen to Lord Haw-Haw on the radio but I still tune in, hoping for even a snatch of news. __Ash tells me just to shut him off but I can't stand not knowing__. I keep scanning the lists of those KIA for your name. I feel so sick every time. I wish I knew where you are. _

_I hope you're not in the Pacific. Ash says you could just be stationed in Australia but I'm not that naïve…_

_There's something else. My skirts won't fit anymore. I had to sell my earrings to afford more material to make new ones. Ash gave me some of her mother's old clothes…She's been very kind, taking care of me even though I complain._

_I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you would be unhappy or it would distract you but I can't hide it anymore. __I think everyone has noticed my belly. The looks..._

_ I'm having a baby. I'm having your baby. _

_I'm still scared over it. _

_I love you. This is wrong but it feels right. I'm unwed; the older nurses keep giving me filthy looks and saying bad things about you. I want to scream at them. It's not fair. They don't know what a good man you are. You're so far from home. They're talking about taking me off duty at the hospital. It's not fair but I have no choice. _

_I'm really scared. I just want you to come back and take me dancing._

_But…I'm happy too. I don't feel so alone. I hope you're happy too._

_Forever yours,_

_Lamb._

* * *

Kaidan reads her letter and sits bolt upright in his bunk. Suddenly, he's on his feet, tearing through the cramped quarters, screaming for Jimmy.

Soldiers have to lunge out of his way and he even thinks he accidentally knocks a few over.

He finds Jimmy in the mess and hauls him out of his seat.

"Jimmy, you son of a bitch! Guess what?"

The larger man looks like Kaidan has finally snapped. "Easy there Loco, who put ants in your pants?"

"It's Shepard! I'm gonna be a dad!"

The mess explodes around him, soldiers crowding around to pat him on the back. Jimmy is the one hugging him tightest of all and Kaidan thinks he has tears in his eyes.

Even his hardass Commander presents him with a cigar.

That night, he writes back to her, Jimmy and Cortez sharing a bottle of contraband whiskey with him.

* * *

_My dearest Lamb,_

_I love you. I can't believe you were afraid to tell me. I'm so happy, I can't stop grinning. This letter feels like poor celebration. You deserve far better than this. __I would I would give you..._

_I would give you everything._

_I'm so sorry. I asked for leave but we're [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS.] soon for something big but they say I can't come to London. Maybe when the [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS.] is over they'll let me back. The boys are getting nervous. I think the bulldog and Teddy have a plan for France. I can't say much. The ships [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS]_

_I'm frightened._

_Oh god. I just want this war over. __I can't believe I was ever eager for it. This is killing me._

_A baby! That's wonderful. I'm sitting here with Jimmy and Cortez, I started writing back as soon as I got your letter, and you will probably see the tears marks on it (they are mostly Jimmy's har har). He says there was something in his eye and tells me to tell you - 'You better take care of my nephew, Lola.'_

_He swears it's a boy. He has bet me a whole carton of cigarettes. I guess we'll see, right? A son would be nice but so would a little girl for me to spoil. One with your fire._

_The boys keep laughing that out of all the people in the company I'm the one who got a gal in trouble. I'm a little drunk actually; they keep shoving liquor at me. The boys are happy for us, they keep telling me to send you a big kiss from them._

_I have to confess, I told them to go kiss their mothers instead. _

_I dream about you. I dream about a child with your lips and your smiles. I want to be home with you, dancing in the streets, hugging and kissing. This war has to end and when it does I'm going to be back at your side. We'll teach the kid how to shoot a gun together. Or maybe you can and I'll teach him how to swing a bat._

_It's stupid, but do you think it was that night in the barn? It was magical. I'm being a sentimental fool, but I kind of hope it was. That night was perfect and pure and I hope we made a perfect little proof of our love._

_I know it can't be easy for you. I am so sorry. I want to be there, I want to be your husband. I am so sorry, Shepard._

_My heart stopped when I read about the bomb. It kills me not being there with you. Please, please stay safe. I couldn't bear to lose you. Either of you._

_I wish we had gotten married before I shipped out. Are you alright? I'll send you my pay packet directly, along with all the cigarettes Jimmy can get his hands on._

_Stay safe. I'll be home before you know it._

_Your husband,_

_Kaidan._


	5. Normandy

_Don't you tell it to the breeze_

_Or she will tell the birds and bees _

_And everyone will know _

_Because you told the blabbering trees _

_Yes, you told them once before _

_It's no secret anymore_

Kaidan's boots hit water. He's terrified. Omaha Beach is hell.

He can barely see, he can't hear. There are planes in the sky, bombs and constant rounds from the cliffs. The beach is red already.

His equipment is weighing him down in the water, there's the constant retort of artillery. Cortez is next to him, they're trying to push ahead to the beach. The water is red. He doesn't want this. He wants to be in England with Lamb. The same water that is battering his body and laps at the dead bodies, laps the shores of her home.

He's so scared. But if they can take Normandy, if Operation Overlord succeeds, he's one step closer to getting home to her and the baby.

Kaidan pushes further in, gulping black sea water, tasting the metallic tang. He can do this.

"Cortez!" He screams, "Stay with me, push up to the beach!"

"I'm going, Alenko!" Cortez dog paddles beside him, bullets smack the water around them. Kaidan's so scared; he thinks he may have pissed himself.

He's suddenly glad Lamb is pregnant, not that he wasn't before. But there are men floating by him in the water, their guts hanging out and their limbs blown off. She would have argued to tend to the wounded, been at the front line of triage. He doesn't want her to be touched by this bloodshed.

He can't stand it himself. There are men from his company floating in the water. He thinks he's going a little mad. The only thing that keeps him going is the thought of what's waiting for him back in London.

Kaidan's boots finally hit sand and he turns to yank Cortez onto it too but when he looks around there's no sign of him.

There are too many bodies floating in the water.

He struggles onto the shore, pushing it out of his mind. There's just the next mound of sand, he throws himself behind rocks the size of his head even though he knows they won't do anything. Men just fall like flies around him. Men who congratulated him over his baby in the mess, who laughed and served and joshed around with him lay bleeding and groaning on the sand.

Kaidan runs and runs but a grenade explodes next to him and suddenly he can't run anymore. There's something warm on his stomach and his ears are ringing and there's blood on his face and

_Oh god it hurts- _

"Kaidan!"

Someone is screaming his name. He doesn't want them. He wants his Lamb.

Jimmy is by his side suddenly and there's pressure on his stomach and his world is pain and fear and loathing and he blacks out for a second.

"Jimmy…" he croaks when the worlds comes back to him. Over the skies he can see the planes flying. His dad had been a pilot he thinks suddenly. He never told his mom and dad about Shepard. What was wrong with him? He never liked his dad much though…he'd been hard on him. Maybe a grandchild would have softened him.

Jimmy is shock white, his normal tanned skin bleached as he drags Kaidan behind an abandoned artillery post.

"Oh sweet Jesus." Kaidan tries not to let the tears fall down his face as Jimmy makes the sign of the cross.

He knows that the warm thing on his stomach is not Shepard's hand, and it's not just blood. It's something that is not meant to be on the outside of the body.

Jimmy pats his face as his eyes start to drift shut and says, "You're gonna be fine, alright? You're gonna be just fine, the boys and me will get you back to your pretty nurse and she'll patch you up."

Kaidan grabs the front of his combat vest and feels a wetness on his cheeks, "I was going to be a dad, Jimmy."

"You're still gonna be and you'll teach him how to hit a ball and fly a kite and everything will be fine with your pretty nurse, ok? Just hold on for the medic."

He can't hear the planes anymore, he can't see them. The sand is soft underneath him and he thinks of a barn and some straw and the _baa_ of sheep with their lambs.

The words are hard now, thought is scattered in the grey skies. "Tell Lamb I love her, and that I'm s-sorry. Take care of her."

"Come on Bluenose, don't be such a woman." Tears are streaming down Jimmy's face and it's only the second time Kaidan has ever seen him cry. "You're fine, it's just a scratch."

"Lamb…"

Kaidan closes his eyes and sees a red ribbon fluttering in the breeze.

He walks through the door to a child with dark hair shrieking 'Daddy!' and her soft smile, her red lips and

_ he finds home on Normandy's beaches._


	6. When The War Is Over

Shepard opens the door as quickly as she can when the bell rings. It's not easy these days; nausea is her constant companion. She hasn't heard from Kaidan since she listened to the announcement of the landings at Normandy on the radio.

But he's probably busy, she decides, taking the fight to the Germans in France.

Jimmy stands there with one leg heavily bandaged, leaning on crutches. He's in his uniform and it's as neat as Kaidan presses his. As neat as the day he met her by the fish and chip shop.

"Lola…" he starts and she knows.

She starts to sink to her knees and Jimmy has to catch her. "Oh no. Jimmy, no. _Please no_."

"I'm so sorry, Lola. He was hit by a grenade as we landed. He was uh, pretty torn up."

Shepard vomits all down his neat Kaidan-like uniform. He doesn't look as handsome though, oh no. Kaidan's hair was always so handsome even when it was wild curls or slicked back and neatly parted with brylcreem.

She sobs into his shoulder and he pats her hair. He's sobbing too. "I d-dragged him into cover. But…but he was bleeding out too fast. He told me to take care of you, and he told me to tell you-"

"No Jimmy! No! He's coming back. We're…We're going to get married and paint the baby's room yellow."

She beats wildly at his expansive chest, her heart screaming. Her other half is gone. Her husband, her best friend, the father of her unborn child.

"He was happy, ok?" Jimmy comforts and lets her wail and scream and cry. Another Shepard, in some sectioned part of her brain that has not lost all hope watches from a distance as Ash arrives and drops the shopping from the neat little paper bags all over the floor. She thinks that she's crying too as Jimmy says, "He was happy about the kid. Wouldn't shut up about it actually, would tell everyone in the squad who stood still for two seconds."

She wants her Soldier-Boy back. She wants to go dancing. She wants to flirt and smoke with him. She wants to have her night in that barn back. She wants him to tie a pretty red ribbon in her hair.

* * *

Shepard marries Jimmy in a small ceremony. They both know that it's a marriage of friendship and gentle love, for the baby and a promise to a lover and brother. She grows to love him as best she can and she knows Jimmy loves her in that simple, easy way.

It's not like her and Kaidan. She doesn't see stars in his eyes and when he touches her she doesn't catch on fire.

But that's alright with her. Nobody could ever live up to Kaidan, the way he made her feel.

She doesn't feel much at all for a long time. Her pregnancy is hard; she has trouble eating and loses weight. She tries and tries to stop the grief for his baby, to do her best to keep on breathing every day in a world without him.

She gives birth to a daughter a month early; six months after Kaidan bled out on Normandy's shores and names her Mary.

The war ends when she's three months old and Shepard prays Mary never experiences another one every night. She prays she never meets a boy with dark hair who loves her and leaves her.

But she also prays that she experiences that intense love, the kind that made the world brighter.

Jimmy is a good dad and they move to America. There's nothing in England for Shepard anymore. They call her a war bride and she thinks that's apt.

They start an orchard and Jimmy gives Mary piggy back rides and teaches her how to hit a ball and ride a bike and builds the best cubby houses.

Shepard doesn't teach her how to shoot.

Mary has dusky skin and almond shaped, dark brown eyes and her father's laugh and kindness and every time Shepard looks at her she thinks of 'Lamb' and hears a snatch of music.

_You promised me green grass, not to tell what you 'eard _

_Whispering grass, say you can't keep your word _

_Keep your word, sing Lofty_

Mary gives her hope.


End file.
